This is the Swiss Army knife of possibilities. You can embarrass people, start long lasting relationships, confuse others, and even maybe lose a friend or two if you try hard enough! I don’t suggest saying anything that can ruin someone’s reputation, but I’m not here to tell you how to live your life. If you want to take your friend’s phone and write in their chemistry 101 group message that you want to have an orgy with them… be my guest. That’s definitely not something I’ve done in the past.
Nothing is nicer than creating family memories on a vacation… If you’re lucky you get to sleep in a bed with your brother or sister while your parents sleep in the bed next to you. Nothing weird about that, right? What’s worse: potentially having your brother roll over on you in the middle of the night, or sleep on a 3×3 disease infested surgeon’s table on wheels (aka a cot). The word “cot” makes me want to puke as is. I submit they are equally bad and for everyone to stop being so unnecessarily cheap. Buying another room is a small price to pay if the alternative is accidental incest or heaving the filth of a hundred cot sleepers seep into your body.
My mom wanted to capture these beautiful moments forever. We are all arguing about sleeping situations and other minor details surrounding our trip. They thought “I never want to forget this”. So the only logical thing to do is go to the hotel lobby Kiosk and ask for a local photographer. The reality is that we each got to pick an activity to do on vacation, and getting pictures taken on the beach was my mom’s choice. Such a fun and quirky idea!
I can not make this next part up, in the lobby a larger lady of the sorts, screamed in my ear “AYE YO!! KEISHA!!! LoOK At ThAT BiG ol’ CRiCkeT!!!”. Granted, there was a large cricket outside the window, it was hard not to look with that abruptly pointed out observation. And for the record, I’m not Keisha… in fact, I’m not sure she existed. There was no one else in the lobby but my family and this lady who’s never seen an insect.
Fast forwarding to the photoshoot that we arranged: We follow a man named Bailey onto the beach. His fanny pack is lined with Fuji film and batteries… a true early 2000’s pioneer, leading us into the sunset to do something I really don’t want to do. This guy went all in… if he’s freelancing on the beach, Bailey is laying in the sand.. going for different angles, he took 30 pictures but was satisfied with none of them. The lighting wasn’t quite up to par for Bailey. He said “Let’s try again tomorrow, a little earlier in the day next time”. You could imagine how exciting this was, we get to spend more time faking smiles and getting sand in my regular clothes? Awesome! Can’t wait.
We get back to our hotel and my dad hopped in the shower. You never think about the issue of your father walking by your bed naked until it happens. That’s a dilemma in itself. This was before iphones and passcodes for phones. So I grabbed my dad’s phone while he was in the shower and shot a text out to our new friend with the camera, it was a simple “I love you, Bailey”. I showed my brother and deleted the text.
Our picture session the next day was short , sweet, and to the point. My parents wanted more pictures, the guy was horrified of my father and thought he was trying to lure him in. The unintended result of expediting this process was incredible! Texting from other’s phones can really improve your life in many ways obviously.
I’m not a firm believer of the saying “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade” so I made my own stupid little saying that you should remember in a pinch if things aren’t going your way. “When your parents try getting professional pictures with you, make the photographer think your dad wants to cheat on your mom with him”.